“WIN CHINA ”

yeah , it sounds kinda big , it might be  , a big shot that can take myself and my career to the next level where i can possibly hit it big :)

i used to think participating in TV shows like that was really lame , and i never would have imagined in a million years that i would be willing to become one of those who would put himself out there being judged by a bunch of successful entrepreneurs . i know they are big , but they are total strangers ...

however, this is something im gonna do this month and i know this is what i v wanted to do ,  otherwise i wouldnt have paid 4 grand for my new suit even though i know id feel like a fish outta water in it . i mean the feeling is kinda inexplicable and i kinda understand that my subconscious wants to do it and i just let it lead the way ... im hoping im gonna do the right thing that i wont regret .

honestly , i feel like my head isnt just in it , kinda distracted by something else or someone else , i m not sure of , it seems and sounds like something iv been looking forward to , i mean ud be excited too if i told u the reward is like 10 million rmb . kinda huge and amazing huh ? i just feel less excited than i expected , i know its not , definitely not a good sign . maybe deep down inside i realize that the odds of me winning this game is close to zero , hey , dont judge me , its not that i lack confidence or something , i dont know , just feel like its not something you can win by showing the best part of you or what you are made of , maybe it all comes down to damn luck and i just dont think i have it .

those who i shared this news with keep asking me whether or not i have done any prepping for it .honestly , what kinda preparation do you think i can make ? start reading any successful or business related books that i can get my hands on ? or mapping out a business plan that iv always wanted to get off the ground ? i dont know , its just not somethiing you can do overnight . speaking of business ideas , i mean the kinda one that excites me , there has always been only one thing that iv been intoxicated with . which is what i have said before to many of my friends and here . motivational speaker ... im a strong bliever that im a natural and i was born to motivate people and make a positive differnece in others lives . this is life , isnt it , you know this is what you were meant to do , but you need to find a way to start doing it , what would success mean if you could jsut start doing what you think you were born to do . it'd obviously mean nothing .

i know English teaching and training is my forte . i m kinda talented in that regard which i know for sure . like i said , i just cant see myself getting where i wanna get to doing that shit forever , i might have started to feel comfortable being where im at and i know i need to step outside the comfort zone and start doing shit that can actually help stretch msyelf . i like teaching , it can bring in money that i need to handle the basics on a consistent basis , i honestly feel lucky cos teaching on the side or running a business like this actually gives me a lot of time and freedom to explore what im really passionate about , i get to work flexible schedule , i get to sit back and just chill when i really want to . and most importantly , i get to get dinner ready for my wife the min she gets home after work .. and i get to be around my pet dog who needs constant love and attention . i should feel blessed to have all those things that i know most of us have always dreamt of , the kidna free lifestyle , even though im no where near financially free , but im financially ok . this is what my current life is like but i dont feel content , i know it for a fact , or i wouldnt be feeling the way im . most of the time im feeling scary and discontent , cos im not even close to being the guy iv wanted to be .

i know its not easy , and im convinced there is still a long way to go . im not desperate , i just wanna make sure that iv been on the right path . the path that eventually towards becoming a motivaitonal speaker . teaching might be the only thing that is directly related to that , you get uself in front of people sharing with them what you think is important . English is just what i deliver , i mean at least doing that provides me with tons of chances to practice delivering right ? i mean i know there is somehting more and something more meaningful and deeper i want to share with people , and i also wanna help those who might feel lost and empty find and unleash the passion and greatness . i know it sounds like something that is not concrete . but i dont think so at all , i feel strongly that this is something everyone needs to learn , its actually a skill instead that our school neglects to teach ... look at ourselves and our lives , how many of us are living the life they want and how many of us are actually with the ones they are in love with ?  very few ... who lives the life that he / she deserves .

iv been working on it in the hopes that i will be able to share with thousands , or even millions of people out there with something of value that can positively impact their lives couple of years from now .

i know i shouldnt be driving myself as hard as im . id be stressed out pretty soon . i just feel the strong sense of urgency , the kinda feeling you need to have if you wanna WIN ...

if you give up , you dont stand a chance ... so never ever give up Tony...