iv been looking for something like really a long time that can describe a situation that i was in and FINALLY i think i just found this one

 

"why bother trying so hard to buy the cow when the milk is free "...which is really vivid and to the point

 

i wish id have followed this advice and id not have set myself up for disappointments by expecting more and forcing it to be more than it was

 

big lesson that was learned the hard way

 

dont bother if you do understand what i was talking about here , there is a context that id rather not talk about ,,, i guess somebody will figure out what it means

These past few weeks have been reflective days for me and there was so much that I needed to be alone and to process , trying to figure out what went wrong and what could have been avoided and what I shouldn’t have done as well as what I have done …

 

I don’t wanna and I know I shouldn’t blame my problems and all the anguish what happened caused me on anyone else or any circumstances, cos its not gonna help and I know im really serious about my own life , for starters , I really need to settle down and look at myself first when things go wrong in any aspect of my life . I have a friend who went thru pretty much what iv just gone thru and every time I talk to him , he constantly complains about everybody and you would think the entire world was against him and nothing else was ever his fault and he never made a single mistake in his life , even though I can understand how he feels cos a little bit part of me feels the same way . sometimes , we all tend to avoid taking the blames and neglect our own biggest bland spot ---ourselves … but as iv been saying my life is all about growing up rather than growing old , I don’t wanna end up becoming a total loser who does nothing but whine . its not gonna get me anywhere since everything inside me wants to go places …

 

The good thing about myself is I’v always had this heroic mettle and I used to think it was the only thing that truly matters when it comes to being an entrepreneur , but it turns out I was totally wrong , at least its just a part of it , an important part tho , after what I went thru this time , Im kinda starting to understand there are many other things to be aware of if I truly wanna make something big happen .

 

Having a career of my own is what I have been working hard on . I know its not easy , starting something from scratch doesn’t seem to be easy for someone who has nothing handed to him in this day and age , and I don’t wanna be too hard on myself and feel that im a failure or loser that cant get anything accomplished . but there are lessons , the mistakes and missteps I have made , I think they are so invaluable that you just put a price on them . which im pretty sure has taught me a ton and on some level , Im truly grateful to have those experiences that are seemingly bad at first glance . maybe they are if all we ever do with them is complain . I don’t wanna be that person , cos I don think it will get me down and I just wont allow it .

 

Iv been reflecting on those bad times in my life over the past few weeks and there is something I have put in writing here and there . hopefully I can use them to help me grow emotionally and spiritually . one of the biggest things iv become aware of is there is still a ton to learn , to be literate , today and everyday . like my mobster bro always says to me , eliminate your weaknesses and maintain those good things (strengths ) about urself , and get a move on

 

Getting a move on is harder than I thought it would be , I might have lost a ton at this point in my life but I know this is not how my life will turn out , the only one that can decide on that is myself , is tony , myself … before moving on , learning from these lessons and mistakes I believe is as important as having the gumption to move forward .

 

Resolve to move forward , and resolve to learn is the spirit I should have and value immensely

 

I got an email from my bro Chris that said the more this kinda things I have experienced , the better a motivational speak I will be in the future cos I need those stories to tell . hehe , glad he still remembers my biggest ultimate dream … I guess it takes way more than that to become a successful motivational speaker, but there is one thing I know for sure that I should have is a positive attitude toward my life and whatever has happened or bothered me . I hardly think id be able to motivate people and help unleash positive part of people if I was a negative person

 

As far as im concerned , I know there is still a long way to go before I can make it , iv got my plans even though im not sure if it will work out great , It might take a long time , but at least , I think they are better than having no plans at all , in life, there are many people who are afraid to fail , so they don’t try , they just talk , but they never do , which might be the perfect formula for failure . I don’t wanna be one of them even though everyone around me keeps telling me I should stop taking risks . as the old saying goes , nothing ventured , nothing gained , and Im a big believer in the fact that no efforts , no errors , I was accused of the reason that my second venture failed and I ended up losing lots of my hard-earned money , but so fucking what ? I mean , whats the worst that could happen , starting over from scratch ? big deal! Im actually glad that I still have whatever it takes to start over , losing money is definitely hard for anyone . nobody likes it , but in some sense , time is more valuable than money , when all we ever do is sit there and complain our lives , I guess time really flies and u will be outta it before u even notice it , and there will be no starting over … now I still have time , and I will absolutely start over .i know the path i choose is 100% up to me , I have options !

 

It might take longer than I expected to internalize whatever I have learned and have them ingrained in myself and let them serve me in my future … I will stay positive and take these lessons seriously in the hopes of incorporating them into my life and what I do. I guess once I have made them a part of myself and my life , I will be where iv always wanted to be .

 

Stop telling me its not gonna be easy , im aware of that , and I also realize nothing is easy , nothing of value is easy , and easy doesn’t enter into grownup life … im not gonna let those negative people affect me and im sick and tired of the negative cloud iv been under , that’s why id just rather stay by myself sometimes , id say its quality time where I get to stop to think about my life and where id like to see myself in the future … it’s a time that you can heal your wounds and restore your enthusiasm and all the positive feelings that you will need to get ahead …

 

We all need to learn how to self examine and look at ourselves first when shit happens , don’t instinctively blame others or the circumstances and use them to cover our asses . I refuse to do that and I seriously doubt its gonna help in any way if we really take our life seriously …

 

Keep walking , cheer up tony ,,,jiayou

I know people around me , I mean some of them might be super concerned about me and my future cos they know iv been going thru hell , and the past few months have been incredibly hard and emotionally devastating for me .

 

Yes, there is nothing harder than losing what you put into tons of work , no matter what it is or who it is , we all hate losing . whats more frustrating than losing the business you just started out couple of months ago , whats worse than losing someone you were ever in love with , and what is more emotionally devastating than having these two things happen to you at the same time ? which might sound a bit dramatic , but this is exactly whats happened to me in the last two months .

 

People say there are good times and there are bad times , I guess im just having my worst time ever . if anything bad happened again to me now , I can honestly tell u id crack …and be totally fucked up both physically and emotionally . I feel like im already at the end of my rope and having a hard time moving on even though I know moving on is the only way to go , I can choose to cry , but in my book , its not really an option for me .

 

For the loss iv been suffering , it might take some time to heal , I wish I had the luxury of taking as long as I want just to chill out until I feel like im ready to move on . the thing is I don’t have that time , the thing is I have to , I must get my act together and keep moving on as if none of this has ever happened .

 

Imagine how hard it can get …

 

But I know regardless of the emotional state im in , moving on is the ONLY right thing for me to do at the moment , Im not the type of individual who would resign himself to defeat or cry about whatever’s been bothering him . its not me , and it will never ever sound like TONY , TONY will never ever be like that , sounds a bit cheesy , huh?  Yeah , it might do , but that also might be one of what it takes to get me thru what im going thru , i might have lost a ton , but there is something else I cant lose , which is self-confidence and I will hold onto it real tight while MOVING ON

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i look down in the dumps and im down in the dumps and im a big downer that there seems to be nothing that can cheer me up , with all the misery i have been thru , i know i might have lost the very thing  i need to see me thru the hard times im up against , which is self-confidence that can help weather a storm ...

 

im not where i was supposed to be at now , i didnt do the things that i should have done this morning , i just dont feel like doing anything at the moment , i feel like im against the whole world and i cant see any reasons for being happy and staying positive , i know it doesnt sound like the positive tony .Altought deep down inside me , i mean everything inside me wants to ...

 

nothing sucks more than the fact that i have no courage to move on