Tony 的个人资料Quality Time 照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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2月27日 come on ....my God ...miserable , couldnt find a better word to describe how im feeling now , i dont know why , everything seems to be going as planned , but still , thats what im feeling and it really sucks to feel what im feeling . maybe its cos the horrible stock market , i was kinda hoping that it could rebound this yr , but now it looks like its gonna be a long shot ... anyway , i never expected it would put me in such a tough situation in the first place, i never could have seen this coming when i first decided to go in . it turns out , i mean the worst decison i never made in my short life ...the only thing that makes me feel better is apparently im not the only one in this . it is just horrible and sucking up all of my hard earned money by sec...wat the fuck...come on , if there was really someone up there in the sky , id go up there and kick his ass without thinking twice , cos this is so unfair ...and u know what , i hate the "ride out the bad times , so you will be there for the good times " talking , i was there , and i have been there , so when do u think i will expect the good times to come along , where am i now , come on , GOD ?! why wouldnt u wanna give me a chance to get back on my own feet , oh , i know , its not tony talking , its negative , it doesnt sound like the tony who has always been one to say God only help those who help themselves , but u know what ,it doesnt seem to make any sense to me any longer now , if there was really a God , u should have seen how hard iv been working , u should have understood what working hard means in my case ... u should have known that and if you were really there , u should have been more protective of those who know what they are doing with their lives like me ... oh what , what have you been up to anyway , have you been asleep at the wheel ???? or what , come on , wake up and do something .save the world , is which what you were supposed to do ? is that your life assignment ? is that the reason you are up there ????? if not , so whats the point of u being there ? please ... i dont wanna stand in the rain watching my life fall apart , u gotta do something .. i dont wanna end up feeling like a miserable loser who is at the end of his pitiful rope telling u off ...
speaking of which , i really hate rainy days , i mean its ok if it rains occassionally , but nothing like these past two weeks , which makes me feel nothing but down and miserable . i dont know how much longer i will have to feel that way to feel happy and fulfilled ...i know the way im feeling now might have nothing to do with all these things , i mean its just an emotional state and i know i should get rid of it asap cos there is obviously something important that i need to focus on . i feel stressed , a bit desperate and kinda hopeless , i know its a bad place to be in , its a tough one without a doubt , and i cant wait to see the clear blue sky and enjoy myself on a bright sunny day , its not that i wanna get taned , i just figured i really need to get all these negativity outta my system , cos its not helping at all , its getting me down instead ....
my God ...u r NOT helping ... what the hell have u been doing ? what the fuck have been busy with ??? do something and fulfill ur mission ....
like iv always been saying , im not the negative guy , you know im not , but would u please help me out with the tough situation here ? i kinda hit the bottom and you know how hard iv been trying to get back on track right ? i mean , i want nothing more than hoping to stay on track and accomplishing what i have planned , and im a tough guy , a strong guy , i know thats what it takes to make something happen , iv been trying really hard to get ahead , but ,,,why do i sill find myself struggling at the basic level of mere survival ? and when do u think i will get thru it ,,,and get outta of this vicious cycle , u think its all my fault ? u see , im not blaming anyone else , im not and iv never .cos i know you have just always wanted me to become a better person , iv told u , iv learned my lessons right ? but dont u think i never would have made these mistakes if didnt try ? so what the hell's wrong with trying ? is that what you have always encouraged me to do ? but u know what , at the point , im really starting to feel like im penalized for having been trying , maybe too hard ,,, do u think i should just sit back and watch life go away by sipping a coffee or hitting on some kinda girl at starbucks ? or i should just try harder ???? where has your divine message gone ? im lost and im really in desperate need of that ... that msg that will tell me what im supposed to do now ... i feel totally lost ...and kinda scared , i hate the way im feeling , i love the tony who knows what should be done and just do it . but with all these things that iv been thru , and the volatile situation that im going thru ,,,i gotta make this confession , im starting to panic ... and believe there is no way out ...im scared ,,,im really scared ... would u please help me ? would u ? i mean it ,,, i need ur help ...
i really need ur help ...are u there , this is the first time iv ever asked for help in my whole life , please ....i seriously doubt i will be able to make it thru the hard times now ...this is the hardest time ever and i need ur support in helping me get past it . please ...
2月19日 stay on tracki know im a bit slowed down , but anyway , im glad i kinda finally let go of the pain from my past that really hurt and started moving on, life cant all be car chases and explosions , thats life , isnt it ? im just on the track and enjoying the quiet pursuits before the fireworks start again ...
i guess i wont get sidetracked by anything else or anybody else anymore in my life, with all the stuff iv been thru , iv finally started to understand at this point of my life ultimately what i think is truly worthy of my time and commitment , i just wanna get more accomplished by setting goals and getting goals , its not a good place to be in when you have so many unmet resolutions or broken goals at the end of each yr , looking back at 2008 , it was truly hell and extremely draining ,,, it took me a long time and lots of courage to eventually get right back on track . im really glad i did and i will celebrate it by adding more discipline to my life and staying on track ...i know it might not be the surefire way to get wat u want , but im pretty convinced it is the only way to get there ...i understand there is a long way to go and the road can be really bumpy , but nothing in your life is easy and its never been ,and i was wondering what is a sure thing in our lives when people around me keep telling me that wont be easy or you just cant do it ... i figured eliminating those negative influence might be job NO1 to stay focused ...
lets spend more time working on ourselves instead of things or people that are less important , does it make sense to u ? if it doenst , can u tell me what matters more than improving ourselves ? im a big believer in the fact that a different level of income demands a different level of you , so there is nothing more important and urgent than taking urself to a higher level where you will stay focused on your priority ... i wanna be that person
focus is the key ,,,
tenacity is the way ,,,
consistency is the power ,,,
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