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May 24 to my dear partner and myself ,,, stay cool !it was a lousy and rash decision we made to start promoting way too early ,,, i wish i knew a little bit more about marketing stuff ,,geez,,,what else do u think we can do ? just sit back and hope for the best ? this is what we have been doing ,,, i REALLY feel stuck and i wish there was something more i could do to change the situation for the better ,,,
but u know what , we need to stay postivie ,,,look on the bright side of it, our leads have been working hard on it , for the biggest commission they have never imagined , which im sure would give them a huge incentive to do whatever it takes to work things out for us , besides , who hates money ?
all the response we have been getting so far indicates that we made a mistake of doing this too early , hoping this wouldnt give them the feeling of us being desperate , desperate for what ?
for money ? actually , its not that , the ONLY reason we did this is just cos we wanted to get our feet in the door before any other potential rival as the summer holiday is considered the best time of doing training program ... and summer camp thing is definitely a CASH COW for anyone in this business ...ourselves included ,,,haha :)
watever ,,,im sure we will pull it together ,,, be patient ,,, but l learned my lesson this time , as the old saying goes "more haste , less speed "! its like pursuing anything we want in our lives , for instance , when u have feelings for some girl , the best strategy is to act COOL , lean back rather than tell her how u feel too soon , the less you care about getting laid , the more likely you are to get laid ,,haha ,,no doubt about it !
you know what , im really starting to LOVE this space thing ,,cos i get to capture all my feelilngs , anxieties , fears , emotions , happiness , gratitute etc on here , cos i know the cost of repressing how you feel is way greater than letting them out , even in a passive way ... plus , i think it is a positive and effective way to let off steam or discharge any of ur bad or good emotions or feelings ,,,u see ,,it is easy ,,, i m feeling way better than when i just started writing this mins ago ..
thanks my space ,,,thanks my partner ,,,keep up the good work ,,and always remember ,,GOD only favors PREPARED MIND ,,, it is super natural to be feeling anxious and desperate at times like this , just stay calm and positive ,,things will work out themselves , let me put it another way , being nervous and incredibly freaking out will DEFINITLY NOT accomplish anything !
cheers ,,to TONY ,myself ,haha , AND to my dear partner .
老师今天有朋友问我"你喜欢做老师吗"? 虽然很多人都有叫我老师,开玩笑的,当真的,今天这么一问,突然让我觉得怎么我是不是真变成老师了,,,其实,老师也没有什么不好, 但是我就是不喜欢学校那些老师,不知道这样说是不是就不会让人觉得我就是很多人感觉的那些老师,因为很多人多不希望老师.
我不是师范毕业,也不是英文专业,但是这么几年,我到是给不少公司上过英文课, 其实,给他们上课我挺开心的,也算是一种我的HOBBY之一吧. 人都是需要成就感的,无论在哪个方面,妈妈做了这么多年的饭,我们很少会夸她,后来,我学会了夸奖,了解到了成就感不一定来自伟大的事业,其实有时候很小很小的事情都会让我们觉得很有成就感,这种感觉对于每个人来说都很重要,每次给公司上课,我一直觉得是个相互学习的过程，接触不同行业的能手,他们虽然在英语方面,尤其是口语方面有点问题,我有这个能力,他们喜欢我的课,反过来,在和他们交流过程中,我能体会到人们向上的精神,虽然这样讲似乎对于很多人来说是比较TOUCHY-FEELY的,不过,我一直觉得在给大家鼓励的时候,更多的是在给自己鼓励,所以,我喜欢这种感觉,真的,很多公司的人都是很优秀的,至少在某个方面都是有特长的,但是他们还是会利用自己的时间,很忙很忙的状态下在努力充电,有时候和他们比,我觉得,我除了英语还会什么呢/? 所以,我也要多学习,不是吗?
其实,我们这社会有点"变态",学习对于很多人来说到大学毕业就算结束了,我们把大学毕业看做一种学习的结束,我们把学习看做一种任务,所以我们的学习只是觉得证书或者证明,,我们从不去想为什么要学,或者学了目的是什么,我们太在于结果,其实我们很多人在做绝大多数事情的时候都是为了结果,其过程就不是很重要了,这样太可惜了,生命就是过程,生活就是把过程变的尽可能的精彩!
如果一定要说的职业,那么应该是自己开公司的,哈哈,还是个股东呢,呵呵,如果一定要说我是个老师,那我是个幸运的大家喜欢的老师,如果说我是个自由职业者,那也不错,只可惜我们这个社会在现在这个阶段对自由职业还没有太正确的认识,因为对于很多人来说钱比任何一切都重要,但是对于我来说,钱很重要,但是和时间与自由比,你拿什么比!!!
May 22 祈祷这几天心情很压抑,有点紧张,就如每次去做讲座,但是比讲座还紧张,因为我在招生了...
已经陆续开始一个星期了,10多个学校,到底可以为我和我亲爱的PARTNER招来多少学生呢,昨天临晨2点多她电话我,说压力太大了,不行了,在此之前,其实我有也是,只是2个人都没有把它说出来,其实虽然知道没有什么好担心的,但是因为我知道这次对于我们2来说是TURNING POINT,,希望可以TURN AROUND OUR BUSINESS, 这个已经是我第2次算是成立个公司了,第一次一个人,单打,从0开始,到有点小资,到0,回头看看那2年,总觉得自己是个被人关注的家伙,因为我好动，好说,因为我知道我很AGRESSIVE,,有点OVERLY 的那种,得罪了很多人,以至我失败了也不会有人帮忙,除了笑话我以外,我想还是笑话我,把办公室里能卖的全卖了,因为我没有钱了,记得把OFFICE里的一台电脑也搬了在我不在的时候,然后说是算她工资,,,当时,除了感受到人世间的冷漠,我就是痛苦了,,2年多了,从那时候起,一直到去年,我才开始有点信心,因为,在失败的时候要在真正能爬起来,我想没有经历过这种失败的人是无法理解和体会的, 书上总说,失败怕什么,再来,这样的话我常说,我不止一次和自己说,你什么都没有你还有自己,慢慢来,,,从我遇到这个PARTNER到今天,不得不说她对我的帮助和支持以及信任是一般人做不到的,我很高兴很感激,虽然我们都没有钱,但是我看到了希望,看到了激情,看到了我不是一个人!
昨天和她说了一个多小时,2个人从公司开始到现在,都没有做出什么成绩,虽然做过些事情,但是总是失败多于成功,在很多人眼里,我是个很快乐,很自由,甚至于有点无所事事的家伙,其实,从我一走出学校，从我辞去第一份工作,我就知道,我注定要一个人去做点事情,于是抱着所有的热情,所有的激情和一切的一切,一个人开始了创业,当时,很多人帮助我,认识的,刚认识的,不认识的,他们被我的激情所感染,被我的精神所感动,但是,社会是如此的复杂,如此的五光十色,如此的没有感情,你能做错吗? 你不可以做错任何事情,因为周围的人会指责你,你能和大家说真心话吗,不能,因为你周围的人,甚至最亲密的人可以背叛你,你可以得罪人吗? 不可以,因为你早晚知道人的嘴巴比刀还厉害,把你伤的比打刺还痛,但是你发不出声音,这才叫痛!
昨天和PARTNER说,做完这次,我们应该好好想想以后发展了,我们有什么,我有什么,激情还有,因为我还没有得到我想要的,比财富更多的东西,信心还有吗? 有,因为我只想说,我一直在努力和准备,自信来自准备不是吗? 还有什么,怕吗,不怕,怕得罪人吗,不怕,因为我吸取了教训,还抱怨以前的遭遇吗,不,因为那是财富? 朋友说有几个人26岁的时候就创业失败了,这个就是你的财富,2年过去了,我的自信,我的激情,我的生活慢慢的得到了恢复,我的生活还在继续,,,理想还在进行,,,谢谢曾经打击过我和鼓励我的人,因为你们我有了动力,打击我只能让我更坚强! 你打不到我,谁也不能!
在这次关键的项目中,我祈祷,该做的我们都做了,不是吗,我亲爱的PARTNER,别想太多了,我们可以达到期望的:)
让我祈祷吧,,愿所有看到这篇祈祷的人给我带来好运, THANKS A MILLION! May 21 我的中国心!如果我的朋友看到我写这样的东西,肯定觉得很奇怪,因为他们一直认为我是个"很西化"的人,我想原因也许是因为我能说好听的英文,因为我有很多的西方的朋友,我有个曾经生活在一起过的英国女朋友.说起这些外国的朋友,他们总说我不像一个"标准"的中国人,有次我和我那位英国的女朋友说,"也许我不富裕,我也不帅,但是,,,,"我说这个不是我自卑,那只是个甜言蜜语吧,可是她却很认真的说,"TONY,IM NOT A CHINESE GIRL",当时,我很惊讶她会这么说,难道中国的女孩子都是这样的吗? 难道中国的女孩子都是会爱上一个有钱的男人吗,难道中国的女孩子都喜欢帅哥,我知道也许你是个中国女孩子看了会说"当然不!",但是我不想谈这个,关于这个我想每个人都有自己的看法和权利去选择,但是我想知道为什么,一个在中国生活了2年的英国女孩子,会说出那句话? 为什么她对中国女孩子会有如此的感觉,一句我不是中国女孩让我想到了很多很多...
由于我工作的原因,从大学毕业到现在,6年了, 接触英文和老外的机会很多很多,但是,我想告诉所有认识和不认识我的朋友说,请你知道,我是一个中国人,我是一个会说国际普通话的中国人,我爱中国,我有权利去爱一个党或者不爱,但是IM VERY PROUD OF BEING A CHINESE.
在读书的时候,由于自己想学好英语,总是希望和老外能够有更多的机会交流,由于当时语言的关系,我总是很谦虚,再加上也许是因为他们来自一些发达的国家,我对他们充满的好奇,更觉得他们的一切都是好的,更别说他们的语言了,很多朋友都说,我很爱国,所以我不需要学什么英语,能说英语就是"崇洋媚外",经常听人说,我们中国人非常自豪的就是5000多年的历史,但是,我总想知道,如果我们无法用英语去交流,我们如何把5000多年的历史和中国人最自豪的一面展现给全世界,难道说中国10几亿人就自己和自己中国人说,你看,我们这么多年历史,多牛啊!!!这让我想到N多年前,当美国轰炸我们在南斯拉夫大使馆的事情,很多中国的留学生拿起横幅,为中国人含冤和表示极度的愤怒,我非常敬仰他们,说真的,但是唯一让我想不明白的是,他们当时的横幅是全中文的! 如果这个只是做给自己中国人看,没有话说,但是我们这个横幅是要让全世界的媒体看的,难道我们不该写上中英文吗? 如果我们能用他们的语言表示我们中国人的愤怒,我觉得,他们只会觉得我们很厉害,而不会觉得我们卖国!语言只是个工具,它和爱不爱过没有联系,如果有一天中文能成为世界通用语言,我第一个去宣扬和推广.但是我们必须学好英语再去不是吗? 也许这些对于我们很多人来说,觉得这个和我什么联系,我又不是学英语的,更不用,再说了,这些和我都没有关系!!!
是啊,也许这些和我们的生活没有必然的联系,我只是说说自己的感受
记得有次我去一个我经常买小吃的摊位,就在我们楼下，有次竟然这个老板问我,你中文真的不错??? 天,我这个长的实在不能再普通的中国人竟然被他认为是个外国人,说实话,当时,我知道为什么,因为在此前我经常和我英国的女朋友去买东西吃,也许他认为我是个韩国人或者日本人,我当时真想告诉他,难道中国人就不可以和西方女孩一起吗? 难道只有外国男人和中国女孩子一切才正常吗?
我们楼下还有个超级市场,以前我和一个美国朋友一起住的时候,我们经常去买菜,每次去买菜总有个阿姨在那,每次都和我们有说有笑,确切的说,她经常会和我的美国朋友说说话,问问好,因为我美国朋友会说些中文,当然时间长了,这个阿姨也认识我了,记得第一次去的时候,她问我朋友,怎么今天2个人啊,是不是你厨师啊??? 我当时觉得挺荒谬的,难道我象吗? 也许她认为人家美国人肯定是有钱的,有个中国厨师也很正常,我不是生气,我只是想和这个阿姨说,你为什么要自己看不起自己中国人呢,我当时这个美国朋友说,哦,当然不是,后来美国朋友回美国了,我还是会经常去那个地方买东西,奇怪的是,这个阿姨从来没有和我说过话,也从来没有和我打个任何招呼,就象不认识一样,,,哈哈,当然你别觉得我会去和她生自己气,让我无法理解的是,,为什么? 我们生活在这样一个和谐的社会,为什么见老外就像见了皇帝一样,就到自己中国人,难道我们不可以多一些笑容,一个问候吗? 为什么不可以? 为什么我们把热情和礼貌都给了人家,也许她年纪大了,也许受历史的影响吧,我完全理解她,但是,我不能理解的是和我一样的年轻人,在我身边,有很多能说英语的朋友,有很多的外国朋友,这没有什么,真的,只能说会了一个语言多认识点朋友,这本没有什么好说的,但是她总说,她觉得中国男人不行,她总觉得外国人幽默,好玩,其实,我很理解这样的心态,和老外去哪到处受人尊敬,这样的事情和感受我想我应该有发言权吧,去饭店,服务员会给你10000%的耐心,开门的会给老外一个大大的微笑,但是我一个人去的时候,很少有这样的服务,为什么?????????????????????难道中国人一定是比他们劣等吗?
我以前的女朋友说我很自信,说我从不会对她或者身边的老外朋友表示出卑微或者奉承,我告诉她,我对任何人都一样的尊敬,这个和你哪里来的没有关系,我和他们认识只是一开始我会了语言,和你认识也一样,我从来没有觉得他们有任何的特别,和他们生活在一起了,同样是人,同样为生活,为感情而烦恼,痛苦,也为开心而开心,但是他们更坦荡! 我有个美国朋友说在美国,我朋友肯定不知道在中国他们会TREATED LIKE A MOVIE STAR,,,我知道现在尤其在上海事实已经不是这样了,我们也比以前更能看清很多很多在中国老外的真实面孔,在这里,我没有对任何一个国家的人有偏见,我只是想和所有中国同胞说,我们是中国人,我们在自己的国家,我们首先应该对自己同胞学会礼貌,尊敬,而不是一味的他是老外,所以,,,简直笑话,凭什么呀!!!!????
你见过在中国每天吃方便面的加拿大人吗? 你见过没有钱付电话费而只要停机的加拿大人吗? 你见过电脑坏了无法上网而没有钱去修的老外吗? 你见过在酒吧偷东西的美国人吗? 你见过5个老外和5个中国女孩子在一个房间淫乱吗? 事后女孩子觉得好COOL , 而老外第2天在笑着骂说这些中国女人真他妈的DIRTY和CHEAP,,你是中国人吗,你没有一点感觉吗??????????????????????????????这到底是谁的谁的谁的谁的错!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
你见过去STARBUCKS不舍得花钱买咖啡的老外吗? 但是,我和这样的老外去STARBUCKS,服务员会把90%的微笑给他,而10%留给自己中国人,是啊,也许他会说,我们都是自己人,就别客气了!!!! 你这个不是被老外笑吗? 有个美国朋友说,说实话,我非常无法理解中国人对我们如此没有理由的尊重和喜欢以及好奇! 刚开始让他觉得害怕,然后是不舒服,然后是习惯,然后很多老外开始觉得自己很了不起,他说,这有时候是我们中国人自己的错误,其实一个在美国扫地的来的中国你会把他想象成一个什么电影里才看到的人,其实,是中国人把他们的自尊提高了,极度的提高了他们的虚荣心! 听到这样的话,难道我们不该觉得自己很惭愧吗,我们是伟大的国家,虽然有这样那样让我们自己觉得不爽的问题,但是,我们只有团结了,我们只有学会尊重自己了,我们才能得到他人的尊重啊,我们痛恨日本人是因为历史,我们很多人都忘记自己姓什么拉,买的用的吃的穿的都是日本人的,还有看的,听的,他们看不起我们,说我们是不会尊重自己的民族,所以他们不要尊重我们,因为我们会贱,因为我们自己看不起自己!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我想告诉所有我的朋友和同胞,我们对谁都应该是一样的尊重和客气,我很无法接受有人和我说,我就是要找老外谈朋友,我无法接受和中国男人一起谈朋友,我靠,,,我真是觉得中国人啊,你到底怎么了? 我们中国人难道就没有让人觉得值得学习的地方了吗,为什么我们一定要自己作践自己让人家看不起呢????????
P.S. 说这些,远远没有写完我要讲的故事,,,但是,我没有心情了, 反正我就还是那句话,尊重自己,才会赢得人家的尊重,个人是这样,一个国家更是这样! 也许我们无法改变整个国家,但是至少我们可以从我做起,我是个堂堂正正的中国人,虽然英语是通用语言,也许我们的语言不过关,而造成心理的胆怯,但是,我习惯和老外的问候是"DO U SPEAK CHINESE?" 如果他不会,行,没有关系,我会说英语,别忘记了,我英文再差,我都是个会说2种语言的人,而大多数的老外,就会说那个天生的话,当我看到那些自己觉得很厉害,自己觉得很特殊的老外,我就不会给他好脸看,因为我是中国人,你不尊重我,我完全没有必要尊重你这些垃圾!
P.P.S.我没有任何民族偏见和私人恩怨,我还是那句,我喜欢和不同的人接触,都一样的,有朋友总问我,你那个女朋友是怎么2人走到一起的,她总说我是她在中国唯一一个地道正规的男朋友,我问过她,为什么,因为她说我骨子里就是个自信的人,她欣赏这点,她和我在一起,她说她不觉得自己是个会受任何民族关系和感受到的特别,这样说我不是想说我很特别,我没有什么特别,只是我和大多数会说英语,忘了本的中国人有点不一样,别忘记了,我们永远都是中国人,别忘记了,如果你做出说出任何损害自己民族的话,你只会让人家看不起,而不会因此而和人家拉进了什么距离!!!!
最后,让我想起一个台湾女孩子,她和我说用英文,我不是中国人,我是美国人,但是在台湾长大,其实你说你哪和我没有关系,但是,我只想说,你让中国人看不起,你让美国人也看不起,你出了可悲就是可怜,因为你都不知道你来自哪里!
给所有有中国心的中国人！
尊重自己，尊重他人！ May 20 i know it doenst make any sense , BUT face it!(just 4 fun)i know it is really hard to accept the fact when it comes to girls and dating , have u guys noticed that when we push them away from us , we would always end up having them chase us around like CRAZY , and if we treat someone you really like like a queen , its most likely you will be treated like dirt . i know it doesnt make a lot of logical sense , and to be honest , my logical brain just cant and wouldnt buy into it , but my experience has taught me this is true and being successful with girls and dating just cant use your logical thinking ... haha ... guys !! just face it and learn to deal ...
most of the time , when i meet someone i m attracted to , i always tend to show off my "good sides " by engaging her in a logical conversation , which would normally include talking about what iv been thru , what iv ever accomplished , my work or my ambitions , dont laught at me or judge me ,,haha , i know tons of guys do the same out there ...maybe we need to stop being logical and start being funny ,,,the reason i have this tendency is cos i always thought the key to making girls feel attraction for you was to act or sound like a goody-goody guy who has life purpose or something ,,which turns out totally wrong , if it was completely right , then i guess i would never figure out why my little JACKASS bro could always have girls around , WHY ??? you know why ?
haha ,maybe we should learn to start making girls feel instead of letting them think in a logical way ...
to be continued ... May 17 if you could always have ur own wayiv heard a lot of people say "i JUST wanna find a job i love , i JUST wanna do something im really passionate about ,,,i JUST cant stand my current job and i JUST dont like my boss , i JUST cant imagine working a nine to five job at a coproate setting ,,,COS this is SO not who i m , COS i m meant to do sth big, COS iv always been thinking like an entreprenur and i SO should start up my business or do something i really want" .
Athough iv only officially worked in one company for several months in my entire life so far , i guess i can totally understand these yearnings and im always a strong believer in the fact that working on our own is the wave of the future ! HOWEVER , when we decide to go into some business we are really interested in , for starters , i believe this is one thing to be considered , which is ur financial situation , in short , do you have a secure source of income that consistently pays ur bills ? i always ask my friends when they ask me for any advice on the business they have always wanted to go in , its not like i wanna sound negative about their passion or i question their ability , as far as im concerned , iv been looking for my passion and working at it , besides , i even think this is wat our life is supposed to be like , and that is the only way we can live a meaningful life that has a purpose , there is NOTHING wrong with it , but ,,,if you got prob making ur ends meet ,,if u had to worry about where your next meal was from , if u had to compromise the quality of your life ,,, i think even the most determined person would find it difficult to move forward with what he has really wanted to do when he had to struggle financially , when we think about or talk about our adventure or passion , we are so excited about it that we cant seem to wait to get the ball rolling , i know some may not agree with me on this , dont take it the wrong way , im not trying to talk those ambitious people(myself included) out of their dreams or goals ,,, i just wanna gently remind myself and those friends that before we go about doing something of our own , the first thing we need to do is to get our financial health in good shape , cos the reason we wanna start up our own business is just cos we wanna ENJOY the process instead of SUFFERING financially.
i know exactly wat its like to be that way , cos iv been there , and im sure i would give anything to avoid that miserable that iv ever gone thru , cos once you have been there , i figured it might be EXTREMELY hard to come back fighting . i dont wanna suggest that working at our passion is a BAD thing, but its at least a risky and bold step ,,thats why we need to put one foot in front of the other instead of jumping into something that we are not sure of ,,,
i know some people would rather bitch around than take a job that they dont like , to be honest , i really admire the courage , but im more concerned about them than i admire them , cos whatever steps we are planning on taking , we need to look at what we are dealing with in our life and see where we are financially with our life ,,
success takes time and efforts , it is more of a process than an outcome , for starters ,,, making ourselves feel financially secure will lay a very strong foundation for the success , picking up a part time job you might not be passionate about at the first stage wont undermine ur passion , on the contrary , it will make u feel less frightened and overwhelmed , and getting your financial health in order will help stay more focused on ur priority and have more clarity about what you really want ...
i wish i didnt have to worry about money and could invest all my time and energy into my highest calling ,
i wish i could always have my own way ,
but i know this is not gonna happen,,, and i also know SUCCESS meant nothing if anybody could have his own way.
said differently , success involves doing something we dont like at some stage cos there is a REALITY we need to learn to DEAL. May 16 deadly mistakei know telling a girl how you feel too soon will only end up producing the exact opposite results you want , you wonder y ? cos you send a messege to her that you are so weak that you cant even control ur own feelings , and there is a good chance you will create discomfort or any kinds of weird vibes in the air which might get in the way , besides , the fact of telling her how u feel is like giving ur power up and handing it to her , so when u wanna ask her out on a date after you tell her how u like her ,,,i dont think she will say yes ,cos it is YOU who makes it really hard for her to say YES , cos you make her think saying yes to the date is like having her tell u she feels the same way about you ,,,
you might feel a little UNFAIR or it doesnt make any LOGICAL sense to u since you are really attracted to her , and i dont see why we always hear girls say "i want a really nice guy who really cares about me ,,," but we also always see girls end up with JACKASSES / JERKS... ?
shit ,,,i feel aweful for myself ,,,tony ,,,maybe you should focus on ur fucking priority like ur true friend suggests ,,you are in a place in ur life where u need to focus on what you should do ,,,,career ,,cos everyone who knows me think i can do something BIG with my life ,,WHAT THE FUCK ,,, i hate the fact and i hate the fuckng potential ,,which has been like a fucking burden on me ,,,i m tired ,,i need rest ,,i also need a girl who truly cares about me ,,,it frustrates the hell out of me ,,,i hate my life !!! May 15 Mother's Daywhen i was on the subway to meet some friends yesterday afternoon ,,i couldnt help but notice there were two women yelling at each other for some reason , i later realized it was just about "seat" which i wouldnt even go into now , one of them was little younger who was with her WUSSY bf , she said ,",opps ,,i wasnt aware she was ur daughter cos she didnt look like u at all ",,,which totally pissed the other woman off and then she said "what the fuck is that supposed to mean ? of course she is my daughter , and u know what , i dont think you even have a uterus to conceive a baby ..." it became so ugly that i even felt a little uncomfortable with such a nasty yelling in public , but its not my point , the thing is the mother of that little girl turned nasty in front of her own daughter ,,,maybe she thought that was a good opportunity for her daughter to learn how to "speak up for herself "!!! if she really thought so , i gotta say that was a totally wrong messege she sent to her daughter . im sure she was totally unaware of the fact that the swearing that slid off her tongue was gonna have a huge negative impact on the way her own daugher would react to a situation like that , and i dont think the mother would be happy if she saw her own daughter swear like that one day in the future ,what kinda mom would that be if she expected her own kid to turn out to be a psycho like the mom who would go off on a stranger in public like that ??? ironically , thats exactly what the mom just taught her OWN daughter ,,,on Mother's Day ,,,in such an international metropolitan city shanghai ! btw ,,they were shanghainese! May 13 welcome to my lifewhere am i ?
how did i get here ?
has my life turned out how id always wanted it to ?
have i turned out more like the person i'd always wanted to ?
where am i going ?
how am i gonna get there ?
how are u tony, i know what u r going thru , and i know where you are and where u r going , just hang in there ,,,i know its been hard and i t will get tougher , but ,,,tony , u dont understand , i want one more person to understand what u do ,
im in a place in my life where i need someone who can understand what im going thru , i need someone that i can adore ,,, need someone who can adore me , i need understanding ,,,i need nurturing , i need support , i need care , i need attention , i need love , i need more than u can give , i need u ,,, and welcome to my life , my life sucks , but im convinced it will be better off ,
i m not rich enough to buy all that i need , even if i was , i wouldnt do that , cos i want u to like me just for who im instead of what i have ,,,
welcome to my life , iv been looking forward to it ever since i saw her ,,,
May 12 thanks Robingotta say , i didnt know you would take it so seriously and im really grateful to u for taking time to explain everything to me ,,,i really appreciated it , as you know iv really wanted to do that docu thing and before i set out to do that ,........., :( not sure when i will get there though ,,, cos i really dont want my docu turning out to be like a superficial thing , and i know, there is no way i can possibly handle making this alone , cos i know making a docu like this sounds like a lot of wrok and i absolutely need outside help and support! i dont wanna end up stressed out or wiped out ,,besides , my principle is if i get it started , i gotta get it off the ground and i wont get started on that until i know im fully prepped. which is why im a little hesitant and overwhelmed while im really excited about it !
id like to be caught up on where you are at and all the ideas i have for this , however , i dont think i will be in the mood until i pull my camp thing off , btw, id very much like u to be a part of it and then we get to spend a lot of time , its gonna be awesome :) i will check with u once i start looking for teachers to see if u r available then .
just so u know , i dont like talking too much on MSN , got little patience for superficial chitchat ,,,im sure you do as well :)
cheers buddy
and thanks again for ur time ,,a bottle of vodka wont make it worth ur time ,,let me c,,,what can i do to make it worth ur while ,,, plus a cup of coffee ? huh ,,,
thank u very much !
May 11 are u willing to be alone ?i remember one of my friends saying to me that Being willing to be alone involves being willing to be different, to have commitments and values that dont blend with any crowd." in my book , it may sound a little EXTREME, cos each of us is not the only one who lives in this world and the world is made up of all sorts of people , which means you need to get along with most of them if you wanna be somebody , of course , you cant possibly please everyone . iv never bothered to do that :) being alone doesnt mean being isolated from the outside , i believe being alone is an ability to be developed , not to be born with , being alone is the ability to connect to ur inner world and that is the moment when you can develop your inner strength that fules ur efforts to live a life which is centered around ur values .
in other words , being alone is the moment where you can strengthen the relationship with yourself and your inner world , believe it or not , most of us tend to be one way on the outside when they are totally different on the inside , which doesnt necessarily mean that those people are just phonies , but one thing for sure is the majority of those people are just living a life that is directed by someone else instead of himself on some level. and when facing fears or adversity in their lives , running away will be CHOICE NO.1 . complaining about how his situation is unqiue is OPTION TWO , cos we always hear things like "you dont understand , my situation is unique or why did it have to happen to me ?"...
iv been personally thru a lot in my life so far , i was SO depressed and frustrated that i couldnt even find my way , i got totally lost and stuck even though i was bursting with potential until i came to understand that no matter what happens to me , there is a good chance that i can actually learn something and as a matter of fact , i think we can use any of ur life experiences as a chance to grow up mentally and emotionally , when my first business which i'd started up with 4 grand rmb went to hell 3 yrs ago , i was totally fucked up and devastated , at that moment , i lost everything i had ever earned , i even lost the trust of my friends , my loved one , my family and i knew i let everyone down but myself , there was ONLY one thing i left with me , i know i can lose everything but the very thing i cant lose that will help me get back on track is my own faith in myself , of course , i gave myself enough time to go thru all the emotional distress that was caused by the devastating fact , i lost my business , but i knew i had to face the music and i needed to move on ,,, fortunately , i ended up moving on with my life cos i realized that life was all about choice , thats why i chose to view this life experience as a chance to learn all the mistakes that i had made , and i chose NOT to see it as life handing me a raw deal or something , sometimes , i believe the way you look at it can make a big difference , like if there is someone cuts u up in traffic when you are driving , and if you choose to see it as a sign that you may need to slow down , nothing would happen , but if you choose to view it as someone trying to do something to u , you would get pissed off and you might start racing with this guy , which might lead to a car accident ... im convinced we can use any of ur life experiences to ur advantage by asking what this experience is trying to teaching me , if you lose ur job unexpectedly , you might take it as a chance to reevaluate your life and career direction instead of thinking your life came crashing down , STAY POSITIVE is always my choice NO1 no matter what happens , cos i know i can get over it , cos i know im STRONG enough AND nothing is gonna get in the way of a true man who is commited to his life .
thinking differently will produce different results!:) May 10 honeybum ,,sorryi was gonna hit the sack early tonight ,,,oops,,should say last night ,,
cant imagine myself up almost all night surfing online in hopes of finding ,,,,finding ,,,finding,,,,whatever ,,up until this point ,,nothing has been found :) actually i was not looking for anything ... just had a hard time getting to sleep , either that or i just didnt want to waste my favo time ,,deep night , when i can get a lot more into myself and get closer to my true self . nothing is better than having a conversation with ur inner voice ,,deep down inside , i always believe it is an ability to talk to urself , most people kinda neglect to listen to their inner world and end up getting lost , you can see it everywhere ,,, of course , that might be overstating it a little bit :)
btw...honeybum ,,, not sure if you will ever check out my space , im sorry about last night , i might have gone to sleep with the laptop on when you were talking to me on MSN cos i was really exhausted from the work last night ,,,not sure if u got my email ...
hoping things are looking up for you ,,, honeybum ,,,keep me posted how its going there !
iv been doing great , the business is moving forward , kinda have fun teaching on the side , have made some new friends and iv moved on with my life in a more balanced way ...
the rest of my time has been spent gathering docu-related info and materials , not sure if i have what it takes to pull it together , watever,,i will give it my best shot anyway ,and DEFINITELY , i will send u a copy once its done :)
tony said HI to ur family ,,, and my parents once asked me when you would be back ,,,i wish i knew ,,,whereever you are and whether you will come back or not , NEVER EVER say stuff like "email me if you still wanna keep in touch" to me,,,you should know me better than that , im always there as a true friend,,,
it is 3 in the morning and i need to get some sleep ,,, i got a lot on my plate tomorrow:)
need to look over the camp plans with my partner and mail some stuff ,,and got a class to teach tomrrow night ,,sounds fulfilling , doesnt it ? haha ,,,
night night
thanks davidthanks for ur pep talk and i feel inspired and motivated ,,,what u said means a great deal to me even if what u said was like a commonsense that everyone understood , but hearing it from a true friend can make a huge difference and great impact on me ,,,
i know i have talent and something important to share with the world and i refuse to hide that part of me any longer , although im afraid i might not have what it takes , im tired of letting my fear hold me back , im no longer willing to live with this nagging feeling that there is someone inside of me , someone POWERFUL and DETERMINED , who is dying to get out , i want her out and i want my life to mean something !!!
thanks for ur suggestion , i will keep that in my mind ,,, give me some time ,,i will get there , no doubt about it !!!!
May 09 we are different:)one of the most common reasons girls use to reject guys is cos she thinks we are totally different and i dont think we can get along ...
one of the most common reasons girls fall for one guy is cos she thinks they are totally different and which is exactly what turns her on ,,,the difference is the most exciting part that takes her breath away...
its raining,,,when is it gonna let up ? when is it gonna be sunny ? when is it she is gonna stop using my feelings against me and start having an open mind May 08 u dont know what it feels like to like someonei dont wanna sound cheesy or mushy gushy , BUT what its like to like someone , how does it make u feel when you like someone , if u must know, in my book , the feeling is amazing , and you just CANT say anything or think of anything about her that doesnt sound cheesy,,,
i always think its a gigantic waste of time and effort dating a girl just for fun at this point in my life where i need to be focused on my career and seeking someone whom i can spend the rest of my life with, when it comes to relationship or love , i guess i must be the last one in the whole world to give anybody any advice , but you know what , those who you have feelings for dont come along a lot , once they do , like i always say, go for him/her and check it out even if she/he is remotely the one , i guess its worth ur effort cos a good relationship can have a huge positive or negative impact on every aspect of ur life, it could either save ur life or ruin ur life . which sounds like a risk , but if it ensures ur happiness i guess thats the kinda risk im willing to take .
am i afraid of being rejected ? you bet im , its VERY normal to be feeling vulnerable and the fear of being rejected when you decide to go for someone , what do i do if it happens ? apparently there are two options you get to choose , give in or keep going ? if u knew the most distinct difference that seperates human being from animal was people make decisons based on more than instinct , you wouldnt be asking me what if i got rejected , said differently , if you are just sexually attracted to someone , i guess there is a good chance you will give up once you are rejected cos u wont care , people would say she or he was not the only fish in the sea and go away to find somone new ! but let me tell u something , anything worth having in our life involves effort . so giving up is really not my option cos i know for sure whether i like someone or im just sexually attracted to someone .
i was wondering if she was sleeping right now , i was wondering what she was gonna eat for breakfast tomorrow morning , i was wondering what she was gonna wear tomorrow , i was wondering if she was gonna have a good day tomorrow , and i can NEVER get enough of seeing her and thiniking of u no matter what it takes , man ,,,you dont know how good it feels to finally be able to feel this way ,,, even the feeling alone can make u feel shaky!
am i sounding like a fucking loser ? oh , yeah , i know people are gonna think this is wishy washy , this is touchy feely , or even think whats wrong with this guy , in this day and age of instant relationship/gratification , wanna sex ? hit bars ! there are more promiscuious girls you can get than you can handle , there are way more handsome guys than you can ever imagine ! however , for Gods sake , what i need is more than sex , its not always about sex . its more about two people being connected emotinally than physically !
dont make rash judgements about me or make snide comments on what im talking about here , im NOT talking just outta my ass , im telling the truth and im just trying to reveal my true self ...
i like her ,,, i like her ,,, i like her ,,, i like the girl ,,, i like the girl ,,,i like the girl,,, im sure i do
and it feels GROOL (great and cool ) haha!
i was wondering if she knew i was thinking about her right now right here ,,, she may not give a damn about it even thouth she did ,,,whatever ,,its always safer to keep all ur feelings in , but there is gotta be a place where you can discharge ur emtions right ? i just cant be one of those who can keep all in ,,, i need to say it out loud , it is me ,,, im just the one who wants to put himself out there acting like a very brave guy who fears being rejected deep down inside ,,,maybe i should act aloof ,,haha ,,tony tony ,,,you are driving me nuts ,,what are u talking about ,,,,,,,,,
i didnt realize it was really late ,,i need to hit the sack ,,,
nice dream ,,,hon ,,,
nice dream ,,tony ,,,
nice dream guys ,,,
May 07 the true colors of foreingers living in China1. The party animal: The guy (or girl) who comes to China just for a good time, and spends all his money on going to bars and drinking baijiu at the Lawson. Many times this kind of foreigner will just hang out with other foreigners and not try to learn much about Chinese culture, but this is not always the case
2. The studyer: Always studying, trying to learn as much as possible about Chinese culture and language. Likes Dashan.
3. The backpacker: Likes to travel around the world, teaching English in various countries; China is just one of these countries. Saves up all his or her money and travels as much as possible.
4. The nerd/ weirdo: Came to China to escape something at home, or because they are a social misfit and they become somebody special in China.
5. The asshole: Feels culturally superior, complains that not enough people speak English, and looks down on the locals.
6. The helpless person: You wonder why they ever came to China. Can't do anything without the help of a translator or guide. Learns 10 words of Chinese in a year.
7. The wannabe: Wants to be Chinese. May also be a studier or a nerd/ weirdo.
this is kinda like the list of the types of foreigners living in china iv put together with the help of my friend Chris , thanks Chris ,,,i always give credit where credit is due:)
id like as many opinions as possible , pls feel free to give me ur insight into any foreingers you have ever dealt with in China, im prepping for making a doucmentary covering them living in China and currently im in the process of doing research ,,, id really appreciate it if you would give me any perspective ,,,,thanks:)
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