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August 20 feeling blahfeeling blah sucks . its one of the feelings that comes and goes a lot . when it comes , i know i will feel like a piece of shit , technically , it just means i feel unworthy and useless . its not that i failed at something that i wanted , its just a normal feeling people have for no apparent reason , which might be a part of life , when it happens , there is nothing you can do about it . now i m feeling blah ...
i just got back from a ten-day trip last weekend , i knew something bad would happen , i saw the writing on the wall and im really good , actually always good at predicting stuff , but i suck at handling these shit that needs to be taken care of . there are tons of bills that needs to be paid , bunch of "pain in the asses" i need to deal with , piles of shit that has to be cleaned up . feeling like im just being penalized for just taking a trip with my wife . vacationing is also a part of my life that i need to take care of . for fuck sake , what did i ever do to deserve this shit . i thought id feel less stressed after a vacation , obviously , things are just about to get worse and more intense .
im really fed up with myself saying that i got too much on my plate , as a matter of fact , i serisouly doubt it is the overwhelming amount of work that stresses me out . i know there is something else . the uncertainty of my future , the hazy vision of my life , or something else that gets my buttons pushed . which might lead to the kinda feeling that makes me feel blah from time to time . if this is the case, it will be more complicated than just being frustrated about the current situation where all i have to do is just to deal with it .
iv always believed that im well aware of what i want , where i wanna end up , what kinda person i wanna be . the fact is it turns out i know nothing about any of them . if creating a platform that positively impacts other people's lives is really my life assignment , i feel bad , because i'v got nothing related to it accomplished . whats even worse is i feel like the one that needs pumping up . if what im is the person iv always wanted to be , i really feel bad for myself , cos i dont like the way im . if this is where i was yesterday . i also feel bad , cos apparently im not moving forward . im on the same treadmill going nowhere instead. fuck , this is SO not what i want . this is SO unacceptable . this is SO not being me
sitting in front of the computer sweating like a pig , trying to figure out whats going on with me . im sure , i will get nothing figured out by the time i finish writing . i will still end up feeling blah . writing sucks . i hate my horrible life that sucks . its not that i screwed up the potential business that might have brought in money , its about something deep , its about me , about the way i deal with my life . its about the way i live my life . i hate the miserable feeling that drains my energy , i wish i would be someone who could keep it all in or feel nothing .
why , why does this have to happen to me , if there was someone really up there , id go up and kick his ass , whats wrong with you . why do i have to be feeling blah . why ???
i wish i was my pet dog who has been panting as if she is suffering from asthma . she is a dog , what does she know , she is wearing fur while im sweating like freaking crazy . but still , i wish i was a dog , pathetic , huh? i know , cut me some slack here ,im feeling blah now ..
tomor , another day , new day , mon--day ... am i gonna be feeling what im feeling now ? blah ? outta it?
iv been ravenous for the kinda success that makes me happy , iv been dying to get my financial health in better shape , iv been intoxicated with the idea of traveling across the world . iv been struggling to take my business to the next level where i can actually feel fulfilled . whats the fucking opposite of happiness . what is it that makes people feel blah , sad ? NOPE , i got nothing to feel sad about , i got my life going on here even if its not all its cracked up to be . i got my wife who loves me . i guess im not feeling sad . i guess i feel the fucking void all of sudden , the kinda feeling hits me again . yes , that's why ...the kinda void that can not be filled by anything else but the sense of fulfillment . where am i supposed to get the strong sense of achievement though. hardwork ? cant you just quit giving me any more shit like this ? hardwork ? if working hard could make people rich or happy , believe me , all the construction workers would be billionniares by now . what the hell is wrong with our education . they are nothing but bullshitters . millons of them are busy producing billions of followers who will end up fucking up their own lives . no doubt about it . looking forward to it ... there's gotta be a fucking huge shake-up there , not sure if its too late though .
working smart ? sounds smart , huh?
monday now . 0:04 ...
what the fuck . i hate my life . but i know one thing for sure , couple of days from now , i will be like "my life is good again :)"
but seriously , im feeling outta it now ...lifesaver . where the hell have you been hiding , would you please do something about it ? please ? do you like really hate me ? would you rather see you suffer than cut me some slack ? damn it , it doesnt hurt to be nice to me ...
i wonder how hard it can be to feel the opposite of feeling blah , and im curious how much shit i need to go thru so that i get to align my real life with my visionary one . i know im no where near that at the moment , but im also convinced its just a matter of time before it happens . just stay positive and keep telling myself , yeah , tony, you will GET THRU this shit .u know it , yeah , i have no doubt about it , but it doesn't mean i dont get to feel what im feeling even though i know the feeling sucks . u think im willing to feel blah ? u think im an idiot ? :^
YoYo, any chances you can quit panting like a sick dog next to me ?
i wanna blow chunks now ...gotta
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